My birthing experience with Skylar was nothing short of amazing.
This is the tale of how it all began…and with it ~ the great discovery I made tonight !!! ♥
Bella had had a late night. We were reading a bedtime story around 10pm when all of a sudden, liquid started gushing from my vagina. How’s that for a colorful start? ;) I ran(well, to be completely honest, it truly was more of a waddle at this point…Although, I later found out from my last roommate that I still managed to maintain my supermodel gait.) to the bathroom where even more flowed from me. I knew it was my water breaking. I quickly showered and was incredibly grateful I’d purchased a 3 pack of adult diapers for the whole birthing process. My roommate had told me I purchased it without reason, seeing as how the hospital would provide me with everything I needed. Haha to you, (ex)roomie ! (That’s said in jest. I love her to the moon and back.) Ok, so me, my baby, my roomie, her baby, aaaand her baby daddy all rushed the gun a little bit. I called the dr’s office as soon as I was outta the tub and assumed they’d have me come in asap. I was wrong. Hah. So while I was waiting on a dr to call me back, we were all running around like chickens with our heads cut off preparing for the big hospital adventure. After I got the call to stay home and wait for the contractions to start(with directions to go in the next morning if they hadn’t started), I decided to attempt sleep, knowing even in my excitement, this was the last bit of sleep I’d be getting for a looooong time.
Oh, I also texted my bestestest friend in the whole wide world, Larissa, and she hauled ass from 7+hrs away to join me !!!
Also, also, I broke down and texted my baby daddy to tell him my water’d broke.
Also, also, also, I texted my Reiki teacher and good friend(who was scheduled to be there for my birthing/moral support), Isabel, to let her know I’d be going into labor soon. I knew she was just getting home from being labor support for another mutual friend who was coincidentally due the day before me, who also gave birth the day before me ! I told her to get some sleep, and I’d let her know when I needed her.
I’d gone in for a prenatal appointment earlier that day, on my delivery date, actually. I was zilch, nada, nothin’. The midwife talked to me about inducing(no way!!!) if I went much longer in my pregnancy.
Apparently, it’s pretty rare to have your amniotic fluid gush out of you before any contractions start. I think I read only 10-12% of laboring mamas start labor this way. Don’t quote me on that percentage. I just remember it being very low.
We’ll thank the 2 walking trips to the store(earlier that evening and the night prior) carrying massively heavy(I mean a shit ton of weight.) grocery bags home by myself. Well, I think Bella carried grapes home. So, she helped…
My contractions started coming shortly after midnight. They were 5 minutes or less apart. They started getting pretty severe around 3am. I texted Skylar’s father. When he didn’t respond, I got reeeeeeally angry. And sad. We weren’t on good speaking terms. All I could think about was he knew labor was scheduled to start soon, and he still wasn’t there for me. He chose not to come over. Even though I want to blame him fully for that. I can’t. I was a willing participant in the situation I co-created with him, and even though it hurt like a bitch that he wasn’t there, a large part of me didn’t want him there, because I couldn’t trust him with my vulnerable state. I was going through hard labor, by myself. My roommate was asleep with her toddler in the next bedroom. I didn’t want to wake her. My 5 year old was asleep on my bed. All I wanted was be held and be able to be vocal about my physical pain. I kept the moaning to a bare minimum for my daughter’s sake…
Without knowing anything about his situation, I assumed the worst, and thought he’d chosen to be with her rather than to keep me comforted during my labor. I called him and woke him up from a sleeping stupor. I ended up hanging up on him, because I was so upset with all of my rambling thoughts. Thoughts of him lying there holding his love, peacefully sleeping. Thoughts of the abandonment and lies. Thoughts of how alone I felt during my contractions, while I was well on the way to having his son.
Anyway, he eventually pieced together that I was in hard labor and wanted him there. I expressed how I wished he was there to press on my back during the back labor pains. He came, and didn’t press on my back. *aaaargh!!!!* I know he wasn’t exactly comfortable with the whole situation, and by that, I mean any of it, but it was far too late for any of that… I was having a baby. His baby.
By the time we were ready to walk out of the door for the trip to the hospital, Larissa arrived ! She rode with us(She has a fear of driving in cities.), and Isabel got there right after I signed all the paperwork and got into a hospital gown.
Did I mention hard labor??? I got into my hospital room around 7am. I had Skylar at 11:06am. So in all actuality, I only labored for less than 12 hours !!! That’s pretty remarkable in itself. I hard-labored for about 5. I had several hours of me wanting to punch everyone that looked at me or tried to talk to me…but that’s to be expected, right? ;) Skylar’s father, thankfully, watched Bella for me. I remember thinking(several times) I’d just walk out of my hospital room to run away from the pain. It hurt. Like a bitch. Like a whiny, screaming, little bitch. Yeah, that’s what it felt like. My nurse and midwife were pretty amazed that I was birthing naturally without an epidural. I guess it’s pretty rare to see a woman do it by choice now-a-days…
Isabel and Larissa were in and out during my hard laboring. I never expressed not wanting Skylar’s father to be around for it, but I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to invite him in, either. He’d told me how he didn’t have a desire to watch his other son be born(as in outta the vagina...) nor a desire to cut his umbilical cord. I knew I had a better support team than that available to me for this birth. In all honesty, I couldn’t have had a better support team. I had my Reiki teacher blessing me, loving me, encouraging me, my best friend being a smart ass and strangely quiet, and a kick ass nurse who knew *juuuuust the right spot to press during my back labor*. She’d gone through 2 of her own natural births, so when I asked her to remind me why the fuck I was doing this without medicine, she was there to give me the right answers. I was scared when they wanted to “check” me(check my cervix for dilation). I kept remembering how long and horrible Bella’s labor had been. I was sooooo incredibly afraid that my body would not do its job properly. Afraid I was going through all that I had gone through with the many, many hours of hard labor without fruition as I had with Bella’s (beautiful) birth. When my cervix refused to go beyond 4 cm after 20 hours of hard labor. I was afraid, but mostly, I was in. pain. I kept moaning, “This huuuuuuuurts. This fucking huuuuuurts.” and my doctor and nurse would be like, “Yup. It sure does. It’s supposed to. Now stop tightening your back, and let your muscles relax.” and my best friends would have a chuckle over it, and I’d once again want to punch everyone in the room.
In case you didn’t get the memo, I am NOT a violent person. I avoid drama, even verbal altercations, like it’s the plague. For me, it kinda is. It brings back all kinds of childhood memories I’d rather just forget about. Labor turned me into someone I’ve never been before. And I’m not gonna lie, I kinda like it.
It’s pretty fucking cool.
(Sorry, I guess I really like the word “fucking”. It’s one of those “cool”, adult, words I can use after the babies are asleep.)
Looking back. I was pretty bad ass. And my cervix WAS dilating. Beautifully.
I pushed all 8 pounds, 9 ounces, 21 1/2 inches of Skylar Phoenix out of me in less than 30 minutes ! Hell yes, I am PROUD ! “I am woman. Hear me roar !” ;)
I chose to have delayed cord cutting(please check out the benefits, if you’re unfamiliar), and as soon as he was out of my vagina(the dear midwife tried to get me to feel him as he was crowning, but I was waaay too intent on getting him out of me…), he was on me, given to me, handed over, and against my chest, nursing. It was beautiful, divine, heavenly, and all the other god-like adjectives you can give to this situation. I was his lifeline and he, my beautiful prince who’d just spent the last 9 months cramped in my belly.
Larissa cried and was overwhelmed by my strength(which made me feel all kinds of awesome-thanks, Riss). Isabel cut Skylar’s umbilical cord.
The entire way to our next hospital room(there are birthing rooms and rooms you get moved to after…), he was nursing, and humming aloud on his outtake breaths. Isabel and I found it calming and beautiful. Our highly educated nurse found it disturbing(We totally trusted her knowledge ! She was loving and kind.). I guess it was fairly rare. She was afraid he had stuff in his lungs, so she listened intently once we got to our new room. He appeared to be ok.
The pediatrician said Sky had a heart murmur, but by the next day, it was magically *gone*. It could have been birthing muck lodged in his lungs. It’s a long, grueling, dirty process. ;) I, myself, was born with a heart murmur. The pediatrician also told me Skylar was born with undescended testicles. This brought me down a notch from my fairyland, fantasy world. I was all by myself, nursing my sweet newborn when I heard the news. She was also very adamant about giving Skylar the hep b vaccine. She didn’t like that I had him in the same hospital bed as me(co-sleeping). She and I were nooot on the same page at all.
Did mention I was by myself? It sucked… I knew where my vagina had been, and had had all the blood tests done that the hospitals require. I stood up for my rights, and I mentioned, “Isn’t hepatitis b transferred via blood born diseases?”. She went on to tell me that there are drug users in Chicago, and what if my son found a needle at a public park…?!?!
*Ahem* “What if…?” Yes, moving on…
[Just in case there are pregnant mamas or daddys to be glancing upon this blog, I also suggest you investigate yourself the vit k shot, eye drops, circumcision, and whether or not to bathe(chemicals in the soaps…) your child immediately after birth. Also, placenta encapsulation.]
I HAD AN AMAZING NEW BABY WHO WAS SO INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL AND………………..BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!
Hoooooly Bajeesus, was he ever beautiful?!?! YES, yes, he was. And then some…
Unfortunately, Skylar’s father decided he didn’t have the same connection that he’d had with his previous son, and he felt Skylar didn’t look like him… So, he decided he wasn’t going to sign the voluntary acknowledgement of paternity papers. He asked me where I got the papers, and tried telling everyone I got these papers from a lawyer or insinuated the hospital didn’t give them to me. He went on to tell me that he didn’t have to sign anything like it for D, which is NOT accurate, because it’s been law since 1999, and he wasn’t married to D’s mother. There are huge differences between D and Skylar’s births. Mostly, he was there for D’s mother. He was around ~ a part of the picture. He had a sense of control and comfort. He didn’t have that with me. So, our baby didn’t officially get a father at birth, and the baby had to take my name. Not a huge deal, but really, a huge deal. The baby’s father insinuated I’d slept with others or that I didn’t really have a clue about who’d father’d my child…or he didn’t believe what I said. He kept saying stuff like, “Ok, now you can tell me, I wont get mad. Did you have sex with anyone else?”. No, motherfucker. Would you like me to Google that shit so I can express it to you in another language? NO means NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!! He later went on to say he believed I conceived immaculately… Yeah, let that sink in.
Sooooo, it mother truckin’ sucked. My beautiful babe looked like his paternal grandfather at birth, and still to this day has his daddy’s adorable feet/toes(which he still adamantly denies), sleepy eyes, and quizzical expression from time to time…
I told him to leave. No if, ands, or buts. I was PISSED. He was too scared and didn’t want to claim his own son. 3 1/2 months later, the paternity test revealed to him with 99.9999999…% accuracy that he WAS the father…so there’s that.
The last month of my pregnancy, I got pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. For most women, it goes away immediately after birth with the loss of all the fluids. Mine stuck around for the next 3 months or so. It hurt me so bad, that I woke up crying every few hours. I had to take pain medicine, not because of my natural birth(oh yeah, I tore, so I had to be sewn up “down there”), but because it hurt to move my hands. Nursing was ridiculously hard to do with hands that I wanted to cut off… My best friend was amazing and watched my 5 year old for the next several days. Can we all say together now, “GODSEND !“. My roomie also helped watch Bella while my body was busy recuperating and so that the baby and I could bond. I’m not going to lie, Bella spent the next 2+ months in front of the tv. It is what it is. I was(and still am, sometimes…) tired. No, exhausted. Probably clinically. I didn’t have anyone to help me with the baby. I’ve been away from him 3 times – like ever, and I’ve had yet to have an entire night of sleep(although my mommy boobs would be sure to hate me). I ended up getting mastitis the first month after giving birth. Skylar’s father being present in our lives would have gone a long fucking way.
It is what it is, and I know I have to make peace with the past in order to learn to make peace with the present. I’ve not been able to let go of expectations or judgments(I mean – it’s pretty fucking obvious…). I know my situation(s) and the world I live in can be anything I paint it to be. I feel wounded. I’m choosing to feel wounded. Just like I can choose to feel blessed and fulfilled(which I definitely feel!). I’m working on it…
It’s close to 10 months after the birth of Skylar, and while I’m still raising my babies by myself, I am now in a secure home with great people surrounding us. I am no longer “alone”. I’ll end this with my happy discovery of night before last:
I’m workin’ on a blog about the birthing experience I had with Skylar’s labor…but I’ve got some really amazing news. I’m pretty sure his 2nd testicle has dropped. Sounds pretty weird for a FB status, I realize.
Right after Skylar was born, this pediatrician came in to tell me my son was born with a heart murmur and that he had undescended testicles.
I was all alone, had just had a natural labor, had carpal tunnel causing me excruciating pain(so bad that it caused me tears to hold my newborn), and was reeling from all of the (loss of) hormones. I was pretty devastated. But by the next day, the pediatrician told me his heart murmur was gone. (Yay !) She told me I still needed to look into doing immediate ultrasounds and talked to me about finding a urologist to do possible surgery on my son to bring his testes down.
I researched the hell out of it all, and decided to let nature take its course, and if they hadn’t dropped naturally by the time he turned 1, I’d take him to a specialist to help us figure out the best course of action. Just so you’re aware, over 50% drop naturally by the baby’s 9th month. Also, if the baby’s testes don’t descend naturally, it can get to be too hot in their bodies and cause damage to the organs. I didn’t even know if he was born with them…
Back in October, his first dropped, and I’m pretty sure his 2nd was coming down to play tonight. Skylar just kept laughing at me while I was trying to feel around. He’s the most ticklish baby ever.
YAY DESCENDING TESTICLES !